Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
