Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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