the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
