i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Drunk is not a location!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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