I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
