Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
