i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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