I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
