Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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