I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
