i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
