did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
