My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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