I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
