We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
