Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
