you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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