when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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