He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
