Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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