my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
