I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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