What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
