Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
