last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
