Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
