saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm really busy with my period
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