HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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