Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
