C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
