It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
