Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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