I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
