Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
