Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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