If that was your dad, he is hot
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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