We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
