I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
