I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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