He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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