My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
