those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
