So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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