I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
