she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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