you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
