Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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