I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
