Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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