Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
